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I’m sure that all who have decided to read this issue of The Chronicle have heard something about the menagerie of borderline criminals, conspiracy theorists, and capitalists that Donald Trump has decided deserve to be in some of the highest positions of power available in the United States government. Although there are about 60 positions in his cabinet that he has named so far, I, as the writer, have culled the lists to five of the most egregious, the most heinous threats to democracy, the economy, and to people as a whole.
So, let’s journey into the belly of the beast and come up with these astounding picks that make you wonder why people aren’t clamoring for a pre-emptive impeachment.
But first, let’s start off with an honorable mention, as all good lists of this sort do.
Honorable Mention: Matt Gaetz
Had former Representative Gaetz not been retracted as Trump’s pick for Attorney General, he likely would have made one of the top — if not the top — of the list. He was consistently one of Trump’s biggest advocates in the House, advocating for the deportation of millions of immigrants and the overturning of the 2020 election. Because of this loyalty, he was rewarded with the coveted nomination for Attorney General, the position he would have held under Trump for the next four years.
However, even the things that I pointed out earlier would not have been enough for the GOP to openly hesitate to endorse him. Indeed, those are the de facto requirements for the White House nowadays.
No, the main issues with Gaetz were the allegations, both of illicit drug use, but also of paying for sex with an underage woman. Because of the wavering support, Trump did decide to withdraw the nomination. I guess the only good thing about Gaetz is that he is no longer a member of the House of Representatives.
Now, on to the actual list.
5. Dr. Mehmet Oz
Dr. Oz, crazy as it may seem, is an actual doctor who has an actual degree. He did have a reality TV show at one point, and also appeared on a daily radio talk show. So in a way, he is similar to Trump: they both made failed television series. Dr. Oz has been nominated by Trump to lead the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid services in the upcoming administration. It’s a confusing pick, because not only is this a job that requires one to be less of a doctor and more of an accountant, but it seems similar to his job description, which is more than a lot of the other people on this list.
Unfortunately, this is where Dr Oz’s lucky streak comes to an end. Dr. Oz’s recommendations on his TV show was shown by the British Medical Journal to have been 54% inaccurate or improperly corroborated by scientific evidence. Later, in 2020, he secured the endorsement of Donald Trump in his Pennsylvania Senate race (which he lost, by the way) by stating that hydroxychloroquine was a treatment for COVID. This is patently false.
Don’t worry, though. As bad as this guy sounds, the others are worse. On to number 4!
4. Charles Kushner
Now, if you are at all familiar with Donald Trump’s family — and his in-laws specifically — the name Charles Kushner might sound a little familiar. Well, that’s because he is the father of Jared Kushner, Trump’s daughter Ivanka’s husband.
Charles Kushner has been appointed Ambassador to France, one of the biggest and most important allies we have and also one of the wealthiest. Now, traditionally, ambassador jobs have been the last safe refuge with which to display outright and blatant nepotism. And indeed, this is nepotism: make no mistake about it. Kushner has no qualifications that would make him suited for our preeminent spokesperson to France, and yet, he has got the job thanks to his connections with the Trump family and therefore administration.
And on top of all that, Trump has had to pardon Kushner in the past in order to exonerate him for his alleged crimes! Kushner had been convicted of preparing false tax returns and lying to the Federal Election Commission, but Trump wiped that away in order to help out his cronies and closest allies. Nepotism at its brightest.
3. Kristi Noem
A lot of things have been said about Kristi Noem in the past few years, by herself and by others. Up until now, she has been the governor of South Dakota and one of Trump’s highest-placed advisers. You may have seen her standing awkwardly in the background of the Trump rally at which he danced for 30 minutes straight, or heard that she was banned from every single one of the Native American plots of tribal land in her state because of her allegations against them as havens for drug cartel activity.
But the most, and I mean the MOST crazy thing about her is the fact that she claimed that she killed her 14-month old dog Cricket because it was “untrainable.” SNL parodied this, and this became a viral sensation when not only did she simply just slip up and say it — she published it in her autobiography. This is insane! She has been nominated for the position of Secretary of Homeland Security by Trump. Killing a dog does not a good secretary responsible for making sure terrorists are not about to destroy America make, as my grandfather used to say.
2. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
What is there to say about RFK that hasn’t been said? Kennedy has been nominated to lead the Department of Health. Kennedy, once an independent who campaigned in this year’s presidential election has made many, many, false and debunked claims over and over about scientifically proven techniques and strategies that combat disease and related things. Specifically, Kennedy has stated on multiple occasions that vaccines cause autism. This is not true. He has promised not to “take sides on 9/11.” That shouldn’t be a necessary statement, in my opinion. He has said that COVID has been targeted specifically to attack Caucasian and black people, and that those who are least affected by the virus are “Ashkenazi Jews and Chinese.” This is patently false, racist, and absurd if you have even a little medical training on that topic or common sense whatsoever.
Last but not least, he has said that the fluoride in our drinking water causes a variety of ailments, including IQ loss and thyroid disease. This is not true, but more concerning because he is now in a position of power to remove fluoride from the water.
Kennedy is definitely not qualified, nor is he mentally fit to lead the department based on things that he has said.
1. Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy
I couldn’t finish the list without these two characters, could I? These two have been selected to lead the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE. Off the bat, the name itself is clearly poking fun at the Dogecoin cryptocurrency that Elon Musk has advocated for on multiple occasions.
But what is there to say? Here are two billionaires deciding to cut the governmental budget by vast, extraordinary amounts that will lead the economy into freefall if they were to happen. Elon Musk has openly decided to peddle transphobic rhetoric and has turned his new pet company, X (formerly known as Twitter) into a playground for neo-Nazis and hate speech. This man being selected to lead any sector of the government, let alone one that involves cutting spending is patently absurd.
Along with Musk, Ramaswamy is also a 9/11 doubter and has said that the government is keeping secrets from the public about 9/11. He has also expressed support for ending birthright citizenship, which is one of the most foundational tenements of both the 14th amendment and the pathways to citizenship that the US has.
Holy crap. These people are insane. And now we will have to live with them.
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